| So Kiss Me. |
[26 Jan 2008|11:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Kiss Me" - New Found Glory. |
] |
Okay, this is gonna be a long one.
I'm aorry about my last entry..Sunday was pretty much my breaking point about a lot of things. I couldn't deal and I just had to cut. I'm sorry if I made anyone worry, but I'm swearing right here and now that it's not going to happen again. I mean it. It might make me feel better, but it just makes the people I care about worry for me..and that's something I don't want to do.
And I'm done with Billie.
It's been nearly 2 months and I haven't had a word from him. That's sad. If he really liked me, he would've found a way to contact me by now. I'n beginning to think he never was even real in the first place.
But that's okay..because I've got a new crush who actually lives here. :] And my friends think he likes me back..Which is pretty cool.
Things are looking up.
<3
|
|
| I'm Always On My Knees For You. |
[10 Jan 2008|06:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Skin and Bones" - Mariana's Trench |
] |
Ugh, sorry about that last entry.
I was just feeling like complete shit..I was just having one of those days where I felt ugly and was in a really bad mood.
But enough about that. I'm getting paid soon, yay! :] And only another day until the weekend.
But for now; I have to go read "A Separate Peace" for English class. Ughh.
<3
|
|
| Do You Know.. |
[08 Jan 2008|02:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Waltz Moore" - From First To Last |
] |
..What it's like to feel ugly all the time?
|
|
| 'Cause You're An Animal! |
[19 Dec 2007|06:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Band T" - Brokencyde |
] |
Hello, LJ! Woah, it's been like, 2 weeks since I updated! XD Wow. Okay, lots of things have been happening so this might be a long post.
Well, for starters, I got hired at Subway! :] I'm starting in January, and it's going to be awesome. I'm going to make new friends, get some working experience, make some money. I'm excited, but ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) elle_amour keeps telling me "Sam, trust me, after a month, you'll hate work just like everyone else." Hahah.
And I get out for Christmas break this Friday! :] Well, technically we get dismissed on Friday, but I'm not going to go in..it's only half a day of pretty much nothing, there's no point. We're off from Dec.21st to Jan.7th, which is a nice bit longer than our last few Christmas breaks have been. XD I asked for Guitar Hero 3 and a Bullet Belt for Christmas, along with a few other things, so..yeah.
Ooh! And for anyone who's been wondering..Maxie (The sweetie I mentioned in my last entry) is doing a little better. :] I was talking to Zacky last week and he told me that right now, Maxie is in a place where he's going to start getting help for his problem. (Again, I don't want to spread his business all over the internet.)
Aaannd..again, something I talked about from my last entry. Billie! :] He's my boyfriend now, and I'm sooo happy! <3 He's amazing. We haven't talked in awhile though because his computer's old and it's got a million viruses on it, so if Zacky's Dad can fix it before Christmas, we'll talk then, otherwise, he's getting a new one for Christmas, so we'll talk then. :] Yay!
And just to end things off..I'll fill out one of those random music quizzes. XD
RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag 5 people.
5. Bold the questions and with the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the question.
How are you feeling today?
"Bullet In The Head" - Rage Against The Machine. [...XD! No, I'm in a great mood, haha!]
Will you get far in life?
"Clothes Off" - Gym Class Heroes. [Oh, god! I'll have to be a hooker! XD]
How do your friends see you?
"Hot In Here" - Nelly. [No comment! Ahaha!]
Will you get married?
"Hold On" - Sarah McLachlan. [Aw, I think that's a yes! :] This is a cute song.]
What is your best friend's theme song?
"Baby Mine" - Alison Krauss. [Ahah, I don't think she's my baby. XD But still. I love her!]
What is the story of your life?
"Love Stoned" - Justin Timberlake. [Ahah, pretty much!]
What was high school like?
"Bojangles" - Pitbull. [What's up with all the rap? But yeah, this pretty much sums it up. Sluts and jocks.]
How can you get ahead in life?
"Listen To The Rain" - Evanescence. [Uhh..okay? XD]
What is the best thing about your friends?
"Slow Down" - The Academy Is. [Hmm..No clue what this one means, but it's an awesome song.]
What is in store for this weekend?
"Worker Bees" - Billy Talent. [I'm going to war? XD Ahaha!]
To describe your grandparents?
"Vertigo" - Marianas Trench. [Okay..this makes NO sense!]
How is your life going?
"Addicted" - Simple Plan. [Pretty much. <3]
What song will they play at your funeral?
"Pieces Mended" - The Used. [That wouldn't be so bad, I love The Used! <3]
How does the world see you?
"Brainstorm" - The Arctic Monkeys. [Uhh..okay?]
Will you have a happy life?
"Another One Bites The Dust" - Queen. [I guess not, then! XD]
What do your friends really think of you?
"Black Shuck" - The Darkness. [I love my friends. :] Ahah. <3]
Do people secretly lust after you?
"Paralyzed" - The Used. [Well, I have no clue then! XD]
How can you make yourself happy?
"Desert Song" - My Chemical Romance. [Umm..This isn't exactly a happy song, ahah.]
What should you do with your life?
"The One Armed Boxer vs. The Flying Guillotine" - From First To Last. [Not too sure about that one, but FFTL are always good. :] ]
Will you ever have children?
"I Don't Love You" - My Chemical Romance. [No faaaaiir! I want kids! D: ]
~
Well, I'm not going to tag anyone..people can do this if they want to. :]
ONLY6DAYSUNTILCHRISTMAS! YAAAAY! =D
<3
|
|
| Take It Slow, Take It Easy On Me. |
[05 Dec 2007|05:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"My Moon, My Man" - Feist |
] |
Hello, LJ!
It's been like, what, a week since I last updated? Woah, ahah. Things have been pretty busy, though. I've got a shitload of stuff to do for school, including 4 tests in the next week, another lab in Bio, and two assignments. Ohhmy. But hey, we get out for Christmas break on the 21st, so that's always a plus. :]
Ohh! And I've been talking with Billie's cousin, Oli, and one of his best friends, Zacky. Turns out, they're pretty sure he likes me back, so..yay! <3 I'm really excited to talk to him again. I'm over "Rudy" and I feel like I can trust Billie. :]
Aaanndd..I'm pretty sure I've got the job at Subway! =D I still have to hear back from the manager, hopefully sometime today, so if I get the job, that'll be awesome; I really need money for Christmas shopping.
And one last thing..Maxie, a good friend of me and Zacky's, is in the hospital. The poor thing. It's sort of a personal reason, so I won't say much about it, but I hope he gets better soon. <3 If anyone would just keep him in their thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated, I'm sure he'd love to hear it the next time I'm talking to him.
Anyway, I've got a math test tomorrow..Oh, joy. I should go study. I failed the last one, so wish me luck! =D
<3
|
|
| Cut Myself On Angel Hair And Baby's Breath. |
[28 Nov 2007|04:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Heart Shaped Box" - Nirvana |
] |
Things are actually starting to look up.
I've got a job interview on Saturday morning, at Subway. XD I actually can't wait, it's going to be awesome if I get the job. I'll finally have some money of my own and it'll be sweet.
I'll post with a more interesting entry later. I've got things to be doing.
Oh, and one last thing..a recent picture of me. I dyed my hair a couple of weekends ago, whoo! :]
It's actually blonde along the part, but the picture doesn't show it. I love it!
<3
|
|
| Turn Into Something Beautiful. |
[26 Nov 2007|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Yellow" - Coldplay |
] |
Okay LJ, it's rant time. If you don't feel like reading it, then just move along.
Fuck.
Things have been so shitty lately I don't even know where to start. First off, my mom and dad are just being so unreasonable, I don't even know where to start. Mom's moody as hell, and Dad's all irritated because his elbow's broken. It's like they're feeding off each other's negative vibes or something, because yesterday must've been "Give Sam Shit" day. Mom was whining about how I'm 17 and don't have a job, and I don't have a life outside my friends and the computer. Jesus. I put out like a million resumes around town, it's not my fucking fault nobody's hired me! And as for my friends, it's my own fucking free time, and I'll do what I want. I don't get enough time to even THINK during the week because of homework, tests, assignments..the last thing I need is them on my back.
And I've just been so..tired lately. Not tired as in sleepy, but tired emotionally. It's like I'm either up or down. I feel like I'm going to cry, or I'm on top of the world. But lately, I've felt more like crying. Nothing seems to be going right, and everything's just so fucked up that I feel like I just can't deal. I've always got dark circles under my eyes, and I just feel drained..nothing excites me anymore.
elle_amour's got a crush who lives here and works with her. I tell my parents, and they're happy for her. I tell them I like Billie, and they flip, saying that it's "unrealistic" of me to like someone who lives so far away from me. I know they don't want me getting hurt again, but for god's sake, mom actualy said to me "What is it, is that that there's no-one good enough for you in St.John's?"
And with Billie, I like him a lot. So much it hurts. But because of "Rudy", I'm so scared to trust him completely. I'm so paranoid, and I look for reasons to see him as a fake, even though I want so hard to believe that he's real. And as much as I like Billie, I just feel abnormal for not ever having a boyfriend who lived here. Technically, I've never even had one before. And I feel like such a loser. I just want to have a boyfriend, have someone to go to Grad this year with, and just to be happy with. Is it really all that much to ask for? I know I can't control love and all that shit, but still. Billie's the perfect guy for me..he's sweet, we love the same music and movies, he's straightedge..But he lives in fucking LONG BEACH, CALIFORNIA. I want to be with a guy who I can see everyday, go out on dates with, and spend time with him in person. But I like Billie so much..I can't just decide not to like him. Love's not like that.
And to all my friends here on LJ..I'm sorry if I haven't commented as of late, and I'm sorry if I haven't been on much. But I need some advice. Anything. I need it.
As of this moment, life can just kiss my fucking ass.
|
|
| There's An Ocean Out My Window; There's Beauty In It's Tears. |
[21 Nov 2007|10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Waves Goobye" - From First To Last |
] |
Just when I thought things were getting better.
It all gets fucked up again.
Me and elle_amour are pretty sure Carlos tried to call her earlier. He has her cellphone number, and the number from the call she got was the area code for Toronto, where Carlos lives.
And earlier today, I went on Google Maps and looked at how far it is from Paradise (Here) to Long Beach..and just seeing how far it was on a map made me feel lonely. Like..really lonely.
And on top of that, I've been getting the urge to cut myself again..but I won't let it happen. I've promised too many people that I'd stop.
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.
<3
|
|
| I Know I'm Not There To Hold You. |
[18 Nov 2007|08:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pleased |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"With Eyes Wide Shut" - Blessthefall |
] |
Hello all. :]
Meme taken from rabifangirl76.
LO
VE
What Would You Do If:
1. I died: Be sad! :{ You're my awesome LJ buddy!
2. I kissed you: No idea, ahah.
3. I lived next door to you: Hang out with you all the time!
4. You found out I was married: Uh..come over and see your husband? XD
5. I stole something: As long as it wasn't something of mine, it's cool.
6. I was hospitalized: Go and see you. :{
7. I refused to leave my home: Call you! XD
8. I got into a fight while you were there: Depends on what kind of fight, I guess.
What Do You Think About My:
9. Personality: Very sweet! :]
10. Eyes: I don't think I've seen them, but I'm sure they're great.
11. Hair: ^
12. Family: ^
Would You:
13. Help me hide a body? Sure, why not. XD
14. Keep a secret if I told you one? Definitely. :]
15. Hold my hand? Hell yeah! XD
16. Take a bullet for me? Of course. :]
18. Try to solve my problems? Yep!
19. Love me? As a great friend, yeah. <3
20. Date me? Probably not, ahah. Nothing against you, I just don't swing like that.
Have You Ever:
21. Lied to make me feel better? Nope.
22. Wanted to kiss me? Nope.
23. Wanted to kill me? Nope.
24. Broke my heart? Noopeee.
25. Kept something important from me? Nope. :]
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying? Nope.
Couple More:
27. Who are you? SAMIAM.
28. Are we friends? Of course!
29. When and how did we meet? I'm not sure when, but it was randomly on LJ.
30. Describe me in three words: Awesome, sweet, fun.
31. What was your first impression? That you were cool and I wanted to get to know you.
32. Do you still think that way about me now? Hell yeah! :]
33. What reminds you of me? The word "Fangirl", because of your username, ahah.
34. If you could give me anything, what would it be? A huge hug! <3
35. How well do you know me? Not really well, but we're still friends. :]
36. When's the last time you saw me? Never, ahah.
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Nope. :]
38. Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you? Uh..sure?
~~
Okay, now for the real entry. Hi. XD Hope everyone's doing good, I know I've been. :] I've been getting closer with the guy I like (Billie) And the other day, he even made me a sign..
He's really sweet and amazing..I just hope he likes me the same way. <3 Only time will tell, I guess, ahah.
<3
|
|
| Rise, Rise, Rise To Fall. |
[13 Nov 2007|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"The Levy" - From First To Last |
] |
Hey guys. :]
Ohhmy. Things have been so crazy in the past while..But I'm doing better. For those of you who didn't know, my ex-boyfriend Rudy, was never really "Rudy". It was all his friend Carlos, from fucking DAY ONE. And he pretended to be elle_amour's boyfriend, Aiden (Rudy's cousin) too.
But know what?
Fuck that asshole. If he's going to lie to me for so long, I don't need him in my life. I'm moving on to better things. I put out a bunch of resumes around town yesterday, I'm gonna work on getting my permit soon.. :] <3 I'm just being positive about it all and not letting it get to me. He'll get what he deserves.
And thanks to everyone who commented and wished me well..<3 You guys all mean so fucking much to me, I'd die wtihout you. Really. :] You're all the best and I'd smother you in hugs if I could. <3 <3 <3
:] Oh, aandd..I think I might have a little crush on someone. Hehee.
<3
|
|
| You Were The Only Face I'd Ever Known. |
[08 Nov 2007|03:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Everything We Had" - The Academy Is... |
] |
I just can't fucking believe it.
The boy I dated for 5 months, the one guy who was my everything is a fake. He did this to me, and 2 other girls. Lured us in with the Real Rudy's pictures.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go fucking cry.
Carlos, you ruined me.
|
|
| It Wasn't Worth My Time. |
[04 Nov 2007|01:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Bulimic" - The Used |
] |
I'm going to procrastinate studying for Bio and English and do a quiz thingy that I found somewhere on DeviantART a little while ago. :]
Your boy side:
[X] You love hoodies.
[X] You love jeans.
[X] Dogs are better than cats
[X] It's hilarious when people get hurt.
[X] You've played with/against boys on a team.
[] Shopping is torture.
[] Sad movies suck.
[] You own an x-box.
[] Played with hotwheels cars as a kid.
[] At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
[X] You own a DS, PS2 or sega.
[X] You used to be obsessed with power rangers.
[] You watch sports on TV.
[X] Gory movies are cool.
[X] You go to your dad for advice.
[] You own like a trillion baseball caps.
[] You like going to football games.
[] You used to/do collect baseball cards.
[] Baggy pants are cool to wear.
[] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
[X] Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
[X] You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
[] Sports are fun.
[] Talk with food in your mouth.
[X] Wear boxers. [I wear them to bed, but still. XD]
Total =12
--
Your girl side:
[] You wear lip gloss.
[X] You love to shop.
[X] You wear eyeliner.
[X] You have some of the same shirts in different colors.
[X] You wear the color pink.
[X] Go to your mom for advice.
[] You consider cheerleading a sport
[] You hate wearing the color black.
[X] You like hanging out at the mall.
[] You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
[] You like wearing jewelry.
[] Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
[X] Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
[X] You don't like the movie star wars.
[] You are/were in cheerleading, gymnastics or dance.
[X] It takes you around 1 hour to shower, get dressed, and put on make-up and accessories.
[] You smile a lot more than you should.
[] You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
[X] You care about what you look like.
[] You like wearing dresses when you can.
[] You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
[X] You wear girl underwear.
[X] Used to play with dolls as little kid.
[X] Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy of it.
[X] Like taking pictures of yourself with your cell phone/camera when you're bored
Total = 13
--
Ahah, guess I'm more of a girl than a guy. Pretty cool. :] You guys should take this and do it on your own journals!
<3
|
|
| This Is The Way You Left Me, I'm Not Pretending. |
[28 Oct 2007|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Happy Ending" - Mika |
] |
Hello, LJ. :]
Not much has been going on lately, actually. My whole house is crawling with disease, and it's only a matter of time until I get that nasty flu. First floamxfanatic had it and gave it to super_studder and she gave it to thebillytalents. I feel like I'm going to be sick too, because I've had a sore throat and headache for the past day or so. Oh, and elle_amour has been sick, too. Yay.
Hmm..What else to say? escapexartists comes home this week, and I'm so happy! :] elle_amour has been so worried about him, and once he's home I know it'll ease her mind.
I'll probably have some new pictures up soon, thebillytalents feels like taking some. No doubt, I'll have some posted of our Halloween costumes! We're all going as wiggers/skeets, and elle_amour is going to be a Gothic Pixie. Fun times! :]
<3
|
|
| I've Waited Hours For This, I've Made Myself So Sick. |
[16 Oct 2007|11:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Close To Me" - The Cure |
] |
Hello, LJ! :]
Hope things have been good for everyone over the past while. They've been alright for me; This weekend I bought new eyeliner and a huge bag of candy at the mall with thebillytalents. That was really fun :].
I've got the day off school today, hooray for teacher inservices! :} And Rudy's trying out for a new band afterschool today, and I'm sure he's going to make it just fine. He's such a good singer! Like..it's amazing. He needs to be in a band.
Oh, and speaking of Rudy, I'm graduating this year, and hopefully [Almost definitely, really.] he's going to come down and go to it with me! :] Along with elle_amour and escapexartists. And even though it's not until May, I still want to pick out my dress and everything, I'm so excited! Does anyone know any cool online places to find nice dresses? It'd be really appreciated! :]
<3
|
|
| If You Feel Like Dying You Might Wanna Sing. |
[07 Oct 2007|11:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Let It Bleed" - The Used |
] |
Hello, LJ. :]
Ugh, excuse that last entry, I'm feeling MUCH better as of now. I was just pissed and tired and stressed from school..but this three day weekend is so far doing me good. <3
Friday night, I made some videos with thebillytalents that I'm going to send to Rudy, next time he's online. :] I can't waaaiiit!
Oh, and in other news, elle_amour's boyfriend escapexartists is in the hospital :[ It's nothing too serious, but please just keep him in your thoughts if possible. <3 Get better soon, Aiden!
And to all my friends who commented on my last entry, thankyou. You guys are amazing, and mean so much to me. <3 I don't know where I'd be without each and every one of you, and I mean that with my whole heart. :] I love you guys.
<3
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
tired
thirsty
